The New Year Series, Part One: Signs.

Leading up to the New Year, I am going to do a ‘New Year’ themed posting series. Each day will focus on rather (a) a reflection of 2013 or (b) a projection for 2014. Each will look at a very specific topic. For instance, today will look at some signs which occurred in 2013. I happen to believe in signs. Do I think they come from God, or some other higher being? I am not sure. But I do believe that they are there. This year has been laden with signs for me. Maybe it is my own mind playing tricks on me, or perhaps they truly are there; regardless, I believe in them 100%.

 signs

1) In May, when my Grandfather past away, the weather was poor. It had also been a Sunday, meaning that the buses only ran once every hour. As a result, it took Baba much longer to get to the hospital than it would have any other day. The rest of the family had come together at the hospital in the early morning, so while most everyone was there, Omar was not.
Finally after much wait, Omar showed up, comforted me and following that, my Grandfather breathed his last breaths. It might sound stupid but I took this as a sign that Omar was meant to be with me. He was meant to protect me, support me and comfort me when I needed him most. Not only me, but my family as well. It was in this moment that I realized how truly I wanted Omar to be the one I spend the rest of my life with.

2) Most years Christmas is more green-y, slushy brown, unlike that ‘white’ Christmas we all pray for. This year, was a truly white Christmas. It snowed all Christmas long. Now, you all know – I hate cold and snow. I am a warmth kind of girl. I like the sun. I like the beach. I do not like ice. The two days I can justify a decent amount of snow fall: Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. This year, we had both. There is a part of my that thinks it was my Grampy, looking down from above, telling us that he was OK and he wanted us to have a perfect Christmas. I do not know if anyone translated the White Christmas to that, but all I could think of whilst watching it fall was ‘I love you, Grampy’.

3) Lately I have been having troubles believing in God. He took my Grandfather away, he’s put my mother through endless amounts of pain, he’s caused harm to the guy I love… it just seems like so much hurt and pain is around me, that the notion that someone from up above is at all… involved… seems kind of, unrealistic. Or, cruel. That said, over the past few weeks, my family has had some amazing news. First, my mother got her surgery (or, rather, her long-awaited surgery) and I was accepted for student loans. This forces me to believe that there is someone or something above me that is looking out for us, even just a little bit.

4) For the past two months I have been struggling with someone relatively unimportant, but very important to me: full immersion into yoga. I have been lately dreading doing anything with impact. Running, HIIT (which I have not done in almost a  year), jumping of any kind… why? Well, first I find when I do do [hehe, do do] those types of exercises, my body feels… uneven or imbalanced. It does not feel right. I feel void of energy, irritable, sometimes even mad… for no real reason. Then, I find myself starving of unsatisfied all the time. About two weeks ago, I decided to change my practice into yoga and barre and that is all. My heart rate gets up as I use my lower body, so there is cardio (plus additional walks when it is not so cold out – I can not step on a treadmill… I just can not do it). I have been struggling if this is ‘right’ for me and my body, then all of a sudden a few days ago, my foot started to hurt a lot. Any impact on it causes pain. To me this was a good indicator that low-no impact was preferred.

To sum up, this year I have:
1)  Discovered that I have truly found my soul mate. I found the one boy who will forever steal my heart away, day after day. I have found that person who literally completes me. I found something I never thought I deserved;
2) Found a peace in the loss of a loved one. While I do miss my Grandfather dearly, his passing has pushed me in so many ways. I have had to let go of my Mother a bit, because she has other things she needs to do… I have learned that life is more than just… exercise. As horrid as it sound, his passing was my first true wake up call. I miss him, and I have so much to thank him for. I love you Grampy. Rest in Peace.
3) I have discovered that it is OK to believe in something. Being that I was an atheist in the past, the idea of believing in a greater something seemed ridiculous. In the past year, I have realized that there is something to believe in. It might not be in the form that I (or you) have been grown to believe, but it is something – even if that something is simply yourself.
4) I have learned to honour my body fully. Listening to hunger and physical desires. I would rather have the energy to laugh, love, play… be intimate… than have abs.

There is so much to learn, if you let your mind be open.
So open up in 2014 and take note of everything that could lead you to a better life.

name

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “The New Year Series, Part One: Signs.

  1. Hi Caitlyn! Wowww thank you for sharing all your thoughts and emotions. I am truly sorry for the pain your family has been going through and grandpa’s passing away~I think it’s totally okay to have those seasons where you’re mad at God because He has a huuuuuuuuuge capacity to take those emotions! Doesn’t faze Him at all, haha. But then again, He loves you so so much that He’s feeling the very same things you do and walks with you even when it doesn’t feel like it. This world is totally flawed and has so much pain in it, but His love and comfort in times of need is what gets me through each day. I don’t mean to get preachy on ya, but I want to say that I agree that signs are always there for us! He’s always speaking and pointing us to certain directions…we just have to listen and be open to whatever He’s telling us. :D I hope you have a beautiful start to 2014 and have a great day! If you want to vent contact me anytime ;)

    1. Thank you so much for your sweet words, Ellie.
      I have been pretty quiet about my faith on here, but in the past year I have found it to be developing quite dramatically. I try to not associate with one religion over the other, but rather appreciate and acknowledge that there is something bigger than I. I have this strange believe that that something takes no physical form, but is deep within each and everyone one of us and it is our responsibility to keep it alive within us.
      I feel also that that is why I have taken to yoga like I have. It is my mind and body connection to the greater world around me – both physical and metaphysical.
      To have you comment on my blog has been amazing! I love your blog – it is one of my favourites! I will certainly take you up on that :)
      Have a lovely day yourself, and feel free to contact me too! :)

      (I would LOVE to chat to you about fitness – I love barre!)

      C

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s