Enduring Holiday Fears

First of all… I have website layout ADD.

While I have been faithfully committed to my blog for over a year, the idea of actually putting money into it, yet, is a bit… out of reach. I am a student, struggling to make ends meet, so it is very difficult to justify for me right now. That said, as we all know it is my dreaaaam to become both a life coach and yoga therapist, while managing a blog and writing freelance for wellness magazines or websites. So, one day, I will make the next jump [just do not hold your breath].

The issue is, I want to make the blog my own, but to do that I do need to cough up some dough. Again, not ready. So, instead of choose a given template and use that until I get bored of it and move on. I know how I want my blog to look, so I try to make it as close to that as possible. Very minimalist, clean, light greys, green-blues, whites and dark grey. These are not even my favorite colors [purple], but it is the color scheme that best represents the tone of the blog: calm, peaceful and open.

So for all you poor souls who come on here every now and again and think, ‘woah, wait… this is the right blog right?’, it is! I likely just got bored of my current layout and decided to change ‘er up real nice!

But here comes the real point of this post (while I am sure my ADD tendencies are thrilling to you, I feel a more meatier subject will be much more… enjoyable): Christmas dinner.

OK. First, I promise you that this will not be a post whining about my food fears. We all know I have them and we all know I am trying to combat them. That said, Christmas still becomes a challenge for me. Why? The potluck. I know; this is starting to sound like we’re approaching the land of FearFood. Trust me, we are not.

I love my family. LOVE. With all of my heart. Every artery and ventricle goes into loving the whole lot of them. They are kind, sweet, loving. But, they also… do not eat very healthily. Which, is fine. 100% fine. They’re the kind of family that adds lots of butter to virtually any vegetable and while I know butter is not something (like with most foods) I should fear, it is something I do not like, at all.

To side note, this is where the recovery process becomes daunting. First of all, for me, neither greasy not buttery foods appeal to me. Why? [one] I hate the way I feel physically after eating them and [two] I hate the feel of it in my mouth. I am not just talking about my stomach, here, I am talking about my whole self. After eating buttery or greasy food, I feel oily. My lips do, my tongue does… it just is not so good for me. So while some people crave these foods and refuse to eat them, I just do not like them or do not want them. Yet! When recovering from an ED, no one will believe that you just do not like something. It is obviously the ED talking. I find this to be very annoying. Yes, I struggled with disordered eating; no, I do not think my diet is 100% a product of that.

Why?

Because when I think of eating butter or oily/greasy foods, I am not plagued with fear, I am just not interested in the taste. Even before the dawn of ED I was never into butter (unless some kind of nut was involved). In fact, I would much rather a nut butter or coconut over actual butter. I find the consistency and taste more desirable. I

Now, again, I love my family, but they are into this kind of food. They add butter to sweeten squash, while I find squash on its own is sweet enough. This is likely a product of my having cut out most processed sugars from my diet. Once you remove them, you are less likely to notice their absence in dishes. Again I am not my way of eating is superior to my families, at all; I am just remarking that there is a difference, and as such, I often feel…

Well, there is no simple way to put it: I still fear that my not eating their will be seen as an enduring fear of ED, when it truly is not. I know this might just be in my head; I know my family likely does not give two figs [ou, figs…yum] about what I eat or do not eat during the holidays, so long as I… eat! But nevertheless I still feel badly about it.

This holiday, I plan to see this fear and conquer it. The fact that I like to eat extremely healthy is just as acceptable [or should be] as their choices to eat more liberally. So I should not be embarrassed. Instead, this year, I have decided that I will [a] eat the foods that I would eat. So, I will take some turkey! I might take a spoonful of squash (even with the butter) and… c’mon, cranberry sauce. But I am going to make my own, healthy gluten-free, pork-free, dressing and make that the biggest portion of my meal. But, instead of making it and just bringing my own stuff, I will make a heaping plate and share it with my family (for those brave enough to try it).

Here is my plan/recipe:

christmas quinoa

servings: six-nine
serving size: 1/3-1/2 cup

1 cup dry quinoa
3 medium sized apples
1/4 cup cranberries (optional)
1/2 cup nut of choice (almonds or walnuts)
Lemon juice
Cinnamon
Spinach/Bed of Greens
Optional: Roasted brussel sprouts or asparagus

1. Cook quinoa as per instructions
2. Dice apples into decent sized chunks, add to a 1/2 water with some lemon juice. Bring to a boil and then let simmer for 20 – 30 minutes
3. Spoonful by spoonful add the chunky sauce into the mixture
(as I have no yet done this, I am not at all sure if I will need this much apple sauce. I might only use half)
4. Once you have reached your desired apple sauce to quinoa ratio sprinkle the almonds in quite liberally and mix.
5. Add additional lemon juice and cinnamon to enhance flavor
6. Sprinkle dried cranberries on top and serve.

Best eaten along side turkey, greens and cranberry sauce.

Obviously this could go one of two ways:
1. It could be totally awesome
2. It could totally suck.

Naturally I am hoping for the former. If you have any suggestions, I really would love to hear them (even recipes akin to this that might be easy to follow and build off). Also, I am curious if I could bake this. Like would that do anything?

Do you often find yourself feeling confused between your own recovery and your own preference?
What are you making for your Christmas dinner?
Quinoa: yay or nay?

Stay sweet :)

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