Reminding yourself

Have you ever had a topic you wanted to write about but had absolutely no idea how to go about discussing it? That is my current situation. In my head there is this great novel concept which I want to discuss; unfortunately stringing those thoughts together in a coherent post seems to be lost on me. I have written this twice, discussed it with Baba, and still I worry that something I say or do could be taken wrongly and I could end up hurting people more than I help. The issue with that is, it is my sole purpose to help whenever I can via this blog.

So, in a state of desperation,  I am just going to say it:

When will people learn to value the important bits of life, over the superficial qualities?

Lately I have been constantly getting myself in check. Essentially what this refers to my saying to myself: “why?”. If I fail to justify an act, then I decide whole-hearted to refrain from doing it. In most cases, it works very well. But sometimes I fail t adhere to my own beliefs on the subject. I, too, get caught up in what x y or z seems like rather than focusing on what x, y or z is.

Are you still looking at this post thinking, ‘eh’? That is precisely the reason I refrained from writing this. As much as I want to express this thought, the actual attempts to put my concerns into words is… very difficult. Almost too difficult; I have no idea why.

Perhaps I will just start with telling you the origins of these thoughts:

Where the H-E-double-hockey-sticks did this come from?

Two weeks ago at work this lady whom I have grown to know quite well came in and told me two things:

1) She was not excited for the holidays (must to my dismay); and
2) Her family had opted to go to Disney Land over visiting her and her husband for the holiday season
(by family I am referring to her daughters family, including grandchildren she has only seen a few times in their whole lives)

I was both baffled and a little appalled. First of all, this particular lady is going in for surgery for digestion-related issues (a issue far too close to my own heart). Second of all, her husband has been in and out of this hospital himself with numerous brain tumours which enable him to take a plane ride. While they both live in Nova Scotia, the rest of their family lives out West. After telling me, she sighed and said:

But what can you do, really? I mean, it is Disneyland. They need to see Disneyland.

And all I could think of was how they also needed  to see their grandparents. Both the husband and wife are along in years and under health concerns, meaning the harsh reality is that if they do not see the grandchildren this holiday (or anytime soon) they may never see the kids again. Yet, even still, their kids decided that Minnie and Mickie were far more important.

When she told me I could see hurt in her eyes, which made me feel absolutely distraught. I started pondering my head how to create a Christmas miracle for her, but I am no Saint. I am just a girl. Before I knew it, I was pulling a classic Caitlyn: overthinking it. I began to question myself about the meaning behind Christmas, or even the holidays in general, evaluating if they’re even… considered anymore. Christmas is about family, togetherness and love. Not Disney characters. And this is coming from me, the 22-year-old kid who is obsessed with anything related to Disney or Pixar. I personally have family – close family – who can not come home during the holidays but would absolutely love to, and these people are not even going to try? They have the ability and they’re not going to even try?

So, as I am sure you could assume, this snowballed, leeching itself onto a number of different topics. My school, my fitness goals, my food… everything. You name it. However to be completely honest, mostly my fitness. The result? Much more yoga. Let us look at runners, for example [note that this is where things are going to get a bit difficult]. Why are you running? Most people come back with the high. Fair enough. But you can get a high doing a number of other things, right? Briskly walking, even. Why are you being so hard on your joints, and in some cases, your heart, to get a high? Similarly, you weight lifters, why are you lifting so gosh darn heavy? Unless you have, or plan to have, a very physically demanding job, I do not see why you would need to gain strength to that level. For example, I will never understand body builders. I understand and respect that everyone has their own fitness journey, but do you ever ask yourself, aside from getting a six pack what is the point? And why do you need a six pack? Why is general health and internal vitality not enough?

Again as I said this mind frame can be easily applied to several facets of life. Including, food, school, friends, etc. But my personal revelations were specific to Christmas and exercise. Life is about so much more than cartoon mice and chiselled muscles. It is about love and family, growing both mentally and physically. Life is about so much more than you’ll ever know if you do not take the time to step back and ask yourself what truly matters.

I am not trying to be a b-word, or anything. I am just being honest. No matter who you are, or what you do, before committing to something be sure to ask yourself, why does this matter to me? And once answered, challenge yourself if that is a good enough reason for you.

I know it is hard – I get that. But just try. Life is much more worth it, when you look beneath the surface and locate the truth. :)



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