Lately, I have been trying to get in-touch my with ‘old self’. Not that I want to completely re-route and return to that stage of my life, but I am finding it increasingly important to find a balance amid whom it is I was and whom it is I am today. The reasons that I am doing this are a bit… odd and personal. I will touch on them in the most impersonal way as possible:
Over the last few weeks I watched season 4 (I think) of Glee [hold the laughter, I love Glee]. While the season was kind of all over the place, I related to it 100%. Following high school we all hit this trail of uncertainty. When approaching it we think: Yep. This is the road which will lead me where I want to be as an adult, whether that be a doctor, teacher, nurse or for some people, a member of the FBI (boy have things changed). Then once you take your first unsure steps in that direction, the well-defined lines become more blurred and you end up living in this limbo, battling whom it was you thought you were and whom it is you are slowly becoming.
In some cases, you completely lose a sense of yourself. You become so entangled in this new person you are becoming that you rather (a) grow to resent the old you or (b) grow to forget the old you. Specific morals which you once had become less important, close friends grow more estranged… you become more confused.
What did I do? I changed my hair, my wardrobe and stopped eating for a bit. Worked for a while, but then I realized I am not a red-head; while I love fashion, I do not like to sacrifice comfort and… well, we all know the food story. So, slowly, I have been actively trying to change whom it is I was back to something more akin to who I was before graduation.
The process has not be an easy one, but it has been a relief.
Essentially this I a long-winded way of saying: So! I am going to write a note circa 2010. Yes, that is right. Facebook is been infested with these again and I have been itching to write one myself. So without further ado, I will write one:
Been a while since you kissed someone?
Jeez. Getting right down to the nitty-gritty, eh? No, it has not been too long :)
Do you have a best friend?
I do, yes.
Are you sleeping alone tonight?
I will be, yes.
Does the last person you kissed go to the same school as you?
Is the last person you talked to older than you?
Yes. These are race-y!
Last person you received a text message from?
What is your worst subject in school?
I would say Math, but I have been getting better. I honestly think something that involves history. I am very bad at recalling dates and names and stuff. If I can not see a clear reason which the information is important to me today, I just find it difficult to care.
Has anyone called you babe today?
No. I really hate that term of endearment.
Your ex wants to hook back up, you do what?
Okay, no thank you. I am involved. I do hope things are well with you though :)
But while I’ve got you here, please take your HellBoy DVD back. I really have no any use for it.
– You are likely looking for something crueler or more ‘ugh’ related, but we did not end on bad terms, so I have no ill-feelings, I just would not ‘hook back up’ with him. I am much to much in love with someone else.
Any plans for this up coming weekend?
I work Friday and Saturday and Sunday, weather depending, Baba wants me to help him look at furniture :)What’s on your wrists right now?
The last person you kissed tells you they don’t care about you anymore, what do you say?
I probably would not have it in me to say much. I would be confused and heart broken.
Will you be in a relationship next month?
Have you had any beer this week?
I have not.
Let me guess, you partied last night, didn’t you?
That is an assumption and assumptions make asses out of people.
You have just downed a bottle of Vodka, what are you doing?
I am probably not coherent enough to be doing anything…
Do you still talk to the person you last kissed?
Oh, you know, from time to time :P
Have you hung out with any guys recently?
How late did you stay up last night?
Today, would you rather go forward a week or back a week?
To be honest, I am pretty chill being right where I am!
Do you think long relationships at your age mean anything?
I do, yes.
Do you hate the last person you kissed?
Is there someone you can tell everything to?
Yes, there is.
If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you have?
Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and not get annoyed?
Okay, let’s be honest here… no. I love Baba with every fibre of my being and if he was not in my life, I would be devastated. That said, we are conflicting personalities so we do need our time apart.
Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names:
You look pretty good wearing my future :).
What are your plans for tonight?
Baba is coming over.
Is there any chance of you going to the movies soon?
I would love to! I want to see Frozen!
Is there anything in your room that reminds you of past memories?
Pretty much any song that I associated with a certain time in my life brings me back. I have actually had to turn off songs because it makes me far too depressed.
Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today?
Okay, honestly: I do not text very much. Nor am I often near my phone. My text messaging is basically my way to get a hold of my mother and Baba. So, 9/10 it is a boy.
If your best friend went out with your ex, what would you do?
Alright. Let’s look at this, shall we? My best friends encompass: Baba and my mother.
… I feel like I do not need to say much more to get my point across.
Ever been kissed under fireworks?
No, but I do not find that to be ‘romantic’. I do not really care for fireworks, to be honest. I find them extremely anticlimactic.
Would you go out in public looking the way you do?
I would, yes.
Do you like the rain?
I do. But only if I am inside.
I’ll bet you miss someone right now?
I do, yes.
Any plans for tomorrow?
No. Well, I mean, working.
Would you rather tell somebody how you feel straight up, or wait?
I would bide my time until it was appropriate.
Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, any problems?
Aside from the fact that we are locked in a room for no reason, no.
Are you wearing any makeup right now?
Ever been lied to by someone you thought would never lie to you?
I have been, yes.
Where will you be in an hour?
Are you a cuddler?
Sometimes, haha. Sometimes I do like my space.
Are you shy?
Depends completely on the company. :)
Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
What does your hair look like right now?
Well, to be honest with you, I have not showered or anything, and I woke up with it kind of looking like I am right out of the 80ies (high side pony). It is great.
Have you slept next to the last person you kissed?
Yes and contrary to what he might tell you, I do not steal the sheets.
What’s something you wish you could understand better?
Probably, but I can not think of something off the top of my head, right now.
Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them?
Well, I was not fond of Omar when I first met him (I thought he was loud and rude), but I am kind of in love with him now. Does that count?
Choose between a million bucks or being able to change a regret?
Not to sound too money hungry, but that million looks pretty good and would likely make me forget any regrets.
If you are up after 3 am, what are you most likely doing?
Yoga, haha. If I can not sleep, I go do yoga.
Is it cute when guys/girls kiss you on your forehead?
That, to me, is the cutest of the cute. :)
Was last summer a good one?
It was, :)
Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed?
Because he is rather (a) pumping some mad iron or (b) he is counting some mad sheep.
Are you dating the last person you kissed, why or why not?
Yes, we are. And it just kind of happened. You know, we kind of like each other. :)
Did the last person you kiss have tattoos?
When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Well, let’s just say within the next 24 hours.
Do you like winter time?
It is all very love-hate between us.
Is the last person you kissed mad at you?
I am going to go with ‘no’ on this one.
Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?
Last thing you illegally did?
Likely something silly like jay-walking. I am not really Canada’s Most (or even slightly) wanted.
Do you care of what people think of you?
I do and I don’t.
Have you ever kissed someone who’s name starts with the letter C?
I am Caitlyn! And I am comfortable to admit when I was little I ‘kissed’ the back of my hand. Does that count? That totally counts.
Is the person you like older or younger than you?
Do you believe the last person you kissed still cares about you?
I do, yes.
Was yesterday fun?
Nothing says productivity like doing math problems sans calculator.
What were you doing at 1 in the morning?
Sheep were being counted.
Has the last person you kissed ever made you cry?
What should you be doing right now?
I have no obligations at this very moment in time. :)
Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
Did you get to sleep in today?
For me, yes.
Do you get along with girls?
Have you broken the law in the last 3 days?
Do you know what the last person you kissed is doing right now?
Getting ready for work?
Do you still pinky promise?
Omar and I pretty much rely on the pinky promise for any important promises.
Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?
Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
Omar and my mother :)
That was fun and totally not productive. :)
Alright. Maybe I will have a more alluring post for you all next time.
32. The answer is 32 times. :)