Today started out like most any morning.
I woke up, got my OM on (but, actually, I got my BUTI OM goin’). Finished up and headed to my kitchen, where I put together a pretty quick lunch of relatively healthy food…
The bread failed to be eaten due to the fact tat I decided later on to nuke some serious yams instead.
Did my hair…
I had a good bowl of oatie oats!
[toppings: bananas, peach, coconut pb, Nature’s Path Flax Plus]
And headed to work.
Only, instead of catching the bus – as originally planned – at around 8:30, I got it at about 9:05. So, essentially, for 30 minutes, I stood outside in the cold. Not a good way to start my day, I will let you know! Finally after what seemed to be… an hour… the bus showed up and took my – now – frozen kabooze to work.
It did not occur to me until I stepped into the place that… my time there was running short.
You see, on Sunday I gave my current place of employment – which has been my place of employment for six long years – my two weeks notice. Now, while I know that it was the right choice, I have felt quite sad since doing it. So many things had happened there for me. Not only did I experience my first time in a job setting, but I met people who changed my life, completely. A man who was always there for me, even if he did make me want to rip my hair out; a girl who caused me to understand what a true friend is, and when to stop a friendship; another girl who caused me to understand and truly believe in second chances, both in giving them and asking for them and a boy… a boy so kind and so amazing that I can not even comprehend it.
[here’s looking at you, kid]
To most people their first does not become a home like mine did for me. Usually it will last a few months, maybe a few years, and then you move on. But for me, my first job was much more. I grew up there. I changed and evolved so much as a result of working there, that I cannot and will not render its place in my life unimportant.
I know, I know. This is all too mellow-dramatic. I get it. But if you knew… you’d know. Can I say that?
The people who work there have been me at my weakest, frail and thin. They have watched me struggle to move or to be. The people who work there know about me, about my past, about everything. While I know I need to leave that part of my life behind, for me, the people who have helped me… I never want to let go of.
Furthermore, working there brought me the best gift a girl could ask for:
the love of my life.
I always have said “things happen for a reason” and I believe that they do. I believe I was suppose to apply to that specific place so that I could meet Omar. I know… goofy. But, the fact of the matter is, if I did not meet him when I did and had we not started to date when we did, I might not be here right now to talk about it. I lost a lot of will years ago. The will to eat, the will to live, the will to smile… I lost it. And the only time I felt even a shred of happiness was when he was lifting a heavy object in my direction. Or, even hearing him make a page over the PA system. These things made me happy; they made me feel safe.
And now, I am quitting; saying goodbye to a place that brought me so much.
While I know change is good and while I know I need it, sometimes it is so hard to just let yourself… go.
But it is time to let myself go, I think.
I need to try new things and ‘spread my wings.
While I am scared to be without the people and the familiarity, I know I need to push myself outside of my comfort zone more often.
Truth be told, it is not a big deal. I recently got a second job and have been working both. So, I am not up a creek without a Paddle, or anything. I just, I guess I just feel like there is a big part of my life coming to a close.
Point is this:
If you’re like me and afraid of change… change. Make a difference! Go nuts! This is your life and your life alone. If you worry about the people around you… don’t; they’ll understand. Even if you reasons are not clear, they’ll understand the the only person who needs to understand the change is you. If you’re afraid that you won’t succeed, remind yourself that to truly succeed you must, too, fail. If you’re scared that you’ll never find your way back, know that home is always with you if you want it to be.
One of the women I work with said: “You’re never too far away”.
And while, at this time, I have no plans to reapply within the next while, to know that if I need to come back, they want me, is comforting.
I’ll never forget the people who I met.
The people I fell in love with.
I’ll always remember them.
But for me, it is time to go :)
So, here I go.