For the past year or so, I have been teetering on a tight rope.
Lying on one side of this tight rope is a girl who feel pressure to wake up every morning and exercise. This girl worries that if she take a day off, or two (God forbid) she will lose all momentum to keep active. She worries that if she stops, she’ll want to stop forever. On the other side is a a girl who loves everything single thing about exercise: the sweat, the accelerated heart rate, the post-work out calm. This is a girl who wakes up every morning to work out because she loves it. A girl who would truly be happiest pursuing a career as a yoga and barre instructor (and of course, life coach); who feels most at joy when some one… any one… asks her questions related to yoga, barre or anything else. This is a girl who researches ballet postures in great detail to ensure that her form during her practice (barre) is correct, and furthermore practices yoga balances and twists to help further invigorate her mat work.
Girl number one feels almost envious of Girl number two. She watches as GN2 works out every day, noticing her smile and examining her joy. GN2 does not notice GN1 all too often because she is so focused on routine. Unfortunately, GN2 can only think about how much she wished she could just move… because she wanted to move.
Every day I jump into the body of Girl Number One and then over into the body of Girl Number 2. To be honest, it feels more like every minute. Constantly I argue with myself over these issues. Am I doing it because I want to? Yes. Am I doing because I love it? Yes. Do I feel like I need to do it? Yes. Am I afraid to not? Yes.
Technically speaking, I have done a lot in terms of my fitness regime. A lot. In most senses, I am most proud of my successes in that area. In the first stage of my work outs (during the healthy times) I went down stairs a few times a week, for 30-40 minutes and you know what I did? I danced my heart out. I loved the feeling. I felt beautiful. To me, this was no exercise. I would not tell my mom “I am going down to work out”, I just told her “I am going down to dance”. Soon, following that, I became quiet transfixed on Bob Harper and LONG work outs. If I was not an hour, it was not worth it. Soon after that, I adhered to the notion that short, INTENSE work outs were clearly the way to go.
All in all, the stages of my fitness regime one thing remained the same:
I sweat. A lot.
Now, I much prefer the feeling of breaking a light sweat. A nice moderately paced effort, for maximum of 30 minutes, including both warm up and cool down. I always have one foot on the ground at all times. I have turned to love low-impact work outs and I am finding within myself a passion for enjoying movement. The main issue is that there is still a part of me that doesn’t know HOW to rest. I have not had a day off of exercising for almost a year. Which you could look at one or two ways.
(a) Damn girl. That’s commitment
(b) Damn girl. Chill the heck out.
While I am not saying they’re wrong, I can assure you that most people in my life look at me and say the latter of the two. Which even adds more to the onion of confusion. Now, not do I only have to listen to G1 and G2 batting within my head, Girl number 3, she who is influenced very heavily by the reaction she receives from others, tunes in. How I have one girl saying “I love doing this, so I will do it”, another saying “I will gain weight if I don’t do this, so I need to do this” and a third saying, “if you keep doing this, no one will ever believe 100% that you’re exercising because you want to “.
Needless to say, things get really confusing in my head from time to time.
As a result I have made a commitment to myself. This is the first “goal” or “assignment” in my Project: Trust Yourself. *
Assignment: Six a Week.
The rules are fairly simple.
(a) You will work out six days a week.
(b) You WILL take one rest day.
End of discussion.
Until I can prove to myself that I can NOT work out each day, I am not allowed to.
One thing I (and you may) need to remember is that to be healthy means not only exercising your body, but also your mind. This exercise is for my mind and my mind alone. In a week, if I exercise six days for 30 minutes, my body will be well taken care of. And while my mind will get some of the benefits, I will not get all that it truly needs. SO, as a result, Sundays will be my day to exercise my mind. Right now that just means, I will not exercise my body.
Two days from now will be my first Sunday. I am scared, but I am also kind of excited.
Oh, also. I am not changing the way I eat because I am “resting”. And there will be cake on Sunday.
I will be eating it.
*Officially each week I will implement a new ‘goal’. Last weeks ‘goal’ was brown rice at dinnertime. It was completed. This week is one rest day a week. I will not issue a new ‘goal’ until one is fully achieved. So, if I panic Saturday, the goal will be rendered unmet. Therefore, it will become the goal for the following week. This goal will be on going, because I need to prove to myself that by taking a day off… only good things will happen.
:) Wish me luck walkin’ the tight rope.