Girl.

In case it was not clear, I am a girl.

And I am not just referring to the make up of my chromosomes or anything genetically related, I mean… I am – in so many ways – a stereotypical ‘girl’. While there is a multitude of things that set my apart from your average Jane, there is a lengthy list of things that allow many people to look at me with a slightly humor-lined grin, whist stating the ever-so pleasant words: ‘you are such a girl’.  In the past, this used to drive me up one wall and down the other. I would dart a less-than-impressed glare at (s)he who offered me such words and quickly change the subject. In retrospect, I can not really understand my overall distaste toward being a girl, in that… I am a girl.

I think, ultimately, what it was was my inner ‘feminist’ calling out. I have always been something of a self-proclaimed feminist, and thought that to be bother ‘girly’ and a ‘feminist’ was an oxymoron; as if being a feminist strictly enabled me to enjoy things that are culturally designed for girls. As I have grown up, however I’ve decided that this makes very little sense. The basis of ‘feminist’ is liberate women to be free and equal and allow them to be exactly whom it is they desire to be, is it not? So, that being said, should I woman want to dress masculine, that is up to her and similarly if a woman wants to partake if ‘girlish’ activities, that too is her prerogative.

As a result of this, I’ve recently given into my feminist nature completely. How? By letting myself enjoy things that are… “girly”.

Six Ways that I am Girly
….which is OK

  1. When I first got into working out, my philosophy was the following: “train insane, or remain the same”, “train like a guy”, I could go on. As a result, this lead to me pushing myself hard, really hard. It was not at all uncommon for me to do 300 burpees in a morning workout, or a series of spiderman push up. In fact, often, I would just do a work out of burpees followed by small rest periods. And by small, I mean 20 seconds. It was all very, very… manly. Which is fine. I am not bashing this form of exercise at all. It was fun, effective all within 20-30 minutes. However! At the end of my workouts, I was always feeling kind of ‘eh, that happened’. I did not feel energized, or happy, or anything. I had an endorphin rush, yes, but I was over the moon with what I had just done. I felt I was doing it as a chore. This was vastly contrasted with my feelings following a barre styled work out, step aerobics/dance work outs or a yoga sequence. Typically speaking, Barre, step/aerobics and Yoga are ‘girly’ (which, is kind of silly because Barre is like Pilates (which was designed by a guy) and a lot of yogis are male (Bikram… Iyengar… Eion Finn). But, I digress! As a result, I thought these types of exercises were of a lesser sort. Lately, I could care less. If I want to ‘step step, cha cha cha’, plie and releve my way through a work out, I bloody will! During exercises such like these I feel grace and elegance, I feel my posture and balance improving and I feel long and light. That’s all I really need.
    barre
  2. I love horror flicks. As creepy and psychotic as it sounds, the bloodier the better. Sometimes I am just in the mood to watch a bunch of teenagers get picked off one-by-one by a over-sized man, clad in a dark suit and mask, walking at a steady pace, yielding a large and overpowering weapon. In my past, I only told people this. What I did not tell people was, I love chick-flicks. As cheesy as it sounds, the cornier the better. Sometimes I just want to kick back and have a fictional man, who will never truly exist, sweep some beautiful girl (who for some reason had trouble finding a guy to date) off her feet, living vicariously through their romantic movie moments. I want a guy clad in a officer uniform to come to my place of employment, pick me up and walk me out; I want to stand amid a baseball field and patiently await for my prince charming to run to me; I want to be on a plane and overhear a guy singing a love-song to me (and I want Billy Idol to introduce it, too).
  3. Celine Dion. You know what, sometimes a girl just needs to belt it out.
    celin
  4. Burberry, Micheal Kohrs and Kate Spade are three of my favorite designer labels. In fact, bags in general. I ween on and off this obsession, but you put me in a store with bags, wallets and such and I could go for days. Oh, and perfume. You put me in a store with perfume, and within a two-hour time frame I will successfully have all scents tested and a list of my favorite ones. Truly I do not put too much money into designer stuff (mostly as a result of not having the money to put into designer stuff) but I love these names.
  5. I am the type of girl to go to a bookstore, walk to the magazine rack, and pull out 2-4 magazines. I sit down and flip through the pages and document all the things I would want and all of the things I would not ever want. I have (and will again) kill two hours doing this. Not girly enough for ya? What if I tell you that the magazines are wedding magazines?
  6. Every single time I look into my future I see myself in the future, I see one thing. Just one thing: I am sitting in a room painted of pastels, on a rocking chair. There is a blanket covered in cartoon zoo animals, wrapped in a ball atop my lap with a hole only big enough to display a small face. The face of my baby. Yes, I have career goals, and strong ones. But above all else, my number one goal is to be day be a mother. Sometimes, I even wish I could one day be a stay-at-home-mom who does her work from home. But, who knows if I will ever have that luxury. It will be something I work toward, though. The reasons for this strong passion are three-fold: (1) Being the daughter of, who is arguably, the best mother ever, does nothing short of inspiring me to also be the best mother I can be one day. Sometimes I fear that I will fail to reach my mother’s level of success, but I plan to strive; (2) Again, in terms of my mother, the idea of allowing her to become a mother… again, would bring my so much happiness. This woman has given me so much in my short life and I want to give her something back. While true, the child would not be her biological child, directly, my having a baby would allow her to become a grand mother, which is something the truly deserves and lastly, (3) my struggles with my body have lead me to a very in-tune relationship with my body. The natural process of healing myself has caused me to focus on nurturing myself back to health. In the moments that I am 100% focused on nurturing and listening to my body, I am happiest. I do not hear the sounds in my head telling me to not eat out of fear of gaining weight, but instead I hear a calming voice telling me that everything will be okay. This has caused me to want nothing more than to become a mother, to use that voice for another. I want to watch someone grow and achieve and be there every step of the way.
    pregnant-belly

    Bottom line, being a girl in all the cliches is okay. As a matter of fact, being a cliche in general is okay. If you’re happy, at the end of the day, that is all that matters. This does go the other way too. If you’re not at all a girly girl and a total tomboy…. embrace it. Using the term ‘girly’ in this post, for me, is counterproductive and only used to demonstrate societies ideas of what a ‘girl’ is. But there is no fundamental definition for ‘girl’. Be the best you can be, whatever that is. Love and honor that person always.

    Yours,
    Caitlyn

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