Choose and Discover

Over the past week I’ve been practicing a more intuitive way of living. If my body feels hungry, instead of asking myself: am I hungry? I ask myself: what do I feel like… right now. Or, during the first few moments of awaking, I think to myself: do I really want to work out? Do I really want to sweat?

Usually, I’ll admit, the answer is: I really do. Or when it comes to food, the answer is: I feel like yogurt. I don’t know what that has to do with anything, but that is what my little voice says.

However immediately following this, I am paralyzed with immediate fear. I lays deep within me, but it is still there. First of all, the question of choice both exhilarates and terrifies me. Do I want a wrap? A salad? A slice of cake? Before, I did not have the option, I had a salad. Now I am stuck with the ability to choose. Choice. Caitlyn’s Choice. This does not stop at food and fitness… oh no no.

 

Caitlyn’s Self-Discoveries of the Week

As a result of this, I’ve learned a few more things about my body that I used to ignore:

  1. I get hungry every 2-3 hrs. And I mean huuunngry. I used to think this was something to be ashamed of. I used tho think this made me a piglet. Perhaps it does, but who cares. 
  2. Sometimes I prefer to eat out of the tub. Like, spoon and tub… and go. Just go. Throw caution into the wind! 
  3. Plyometrics ain’t for me. I love isometrics <3 And you know, sometimes a good step aerobic really kicks butt. You sweat it, Richard Simmons. ;)
  4. I really like cheesy, girly TV shows. My current enjoyment is Drop Dead Diva, which really speaks to my insecurities and reminds me that it matters more who you are than what you look like. 
  5. I’ve always wanted to pursue business to some degree, but I’ve always thought that I would be too stupid to handle it. But now, I’m choosing a business/pysch mix. Who knew?
  6. During exercise, I would prefer at least one of my feet to remain on the ground at all times. No jumping: it hurts my knees and makes my heart and chest sore. Yesterday I tried a new fitness craze, Buti Fitness, which is a combination of yoga and… tribal dance. Let’s just say, I don’t foresee me becoming a member of a tribe any time soon.

    Image

It was this move that got me going. Basically it consisted of me gyrating my pelvic region rapidly back and forth. I am sure this is for someone, but I am definitely NOT someone. The yoga was awesome though.

This is just to name a few… or, six.

 

I would love to live my life forever this way. Doing only what I want to do (within reason) and not what I feel I should do because some one expects it of me, or I think it is well within my capabilities. In my life, that has always been my struggle. I look at what I want, deem it out of my reach and instead of trying and failing, I come up with excuses: “oh, it’ll be too much money”. Or, “you know, that stuff isn’t for me”. When really what I should have been saying was, “I’m way too scared to try”. 

I won’t say that I will never let the voices overrule me. How could I know? But, I am – from this moment on – going to try to not let the voices overrule my every move. 

I am capable of anything.

Caitlyn.

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