118 is way worse than 150.

“We will just need you to hop up on there. Take off your jacket, too”.

I was much obliged, thinking I would discover that I had gained weight. Over the course of my Grandfather’s passing, I enjoyed sweet bites here and there. And, ate meat!

‘118’.

While most women in the world would think hearing that would be an honor, for me, it was a failure: a slap in the face no better than an F on a school writing assignment. You might be reading this thinking: “tough” or possible “that’s not that light… it’s three digits”. If you are of the formal, please understand that weight is not an enemy.What is the enemy is those who tell you it is. There are teenagers worrying about their weights during the, albeit stressful, times of growth; young mothers are worried about their ‘post baby bellies’, which only lay as a means of evidence that they partook in the beautiful act of birth and older women are cringing not only at their weight, but the lines of past happiness creasing their faces, displaying years of laughter and joy.

Why put ourselves through this?

Immediately after discovering that I had – again – lost weight, to the point of being “underweight”, I knew something had to be done. I was terrified, but worse… I was tired. I was exhausted of being a living lie. While it might sound a bit harsh, that is exactly what I have been doing: living a lie. Every day I advocate this message: love your body;  honor your self, but do I practice it? No. Do I even try? Never.

So, this morning, I’ve decided to write down a series of confessions or truths as well as my plans to change for the future.

Truth: I do not like HIIT work outs.
I never have, really. Do they make me feel happy in the moment? Sure. Is that because I know I am doing an ‘intense’ work out? Sure thing. I am in no way denying the fact that the cardiovascular element does provide and endorphin rush, but it also causes me to be severely tired and want to do nothing but sleep for the rest of the day.

Truth: In a perfect world, my cardio would look like: vinyasa yoga, walking/light jog -with the occasional short sprint, swimming, interval overload (think barre3 or physisque 57 or CoreFusion).

I have always loved yoga. Holding poses tightens and strengthens your muscles, flows elevate your heart rate and clear your mind and the stretches work to deepen. Not to mention the detoxifying nature of twists and the relaxation of savasana. To me, it’s the perfect work out. From there, I developed an interest in the fusion of yoga and Barre (see the above list for examples). Running/HIIT and all that jazz doesn’t make me feel good. I just always felt that I needed it.

Truth: I really miss bread.

And now, because of the fact that I am still losing, not only can I eat it, but I NEED to eat it. I never actually had an issue digesting it. That was a lie.

Truth: I want to have cake.

And I want to eat it, too.

Truth: I used to skip on savasana
Savasana, as Eionn Finn said, is where the true ‘yoga’ takes place. I used to not do yoga. Why lie there? You don’t burn anything. So, I’d skip it.
I will never skip savasana again.

Truth: At this point, I don’t even know if I ‘don’t like anything in chip form’. 

Whenever offered chips, vegetable or otherwise, my first reaction is: “I don’t like chips… I just don’t like chip-like things”. This is a lie. I love to crunch. I can’t eat raw vegetables, unfortunately. They kill my belly. This has been a truth my whole life. Especially ones high in fiber; it’s too much. But I do love a good crunch (ergo my love of celery). So, this whole “I don’t like chips” is bull poop.

Truth: I really, really, really do not like my lifestyle.

I love fitness, ye. I love health, sure thang. I love how I live? No. I live healthy? Not even close. While, should you look at my diet, one would immediate think: sure, that’s a great deal of food, it is important to understand that everyone’s body is different. Metabolism, size and workout schedule… all indicators of how much one needs to eat. I love short bursts of exercise. Every morning I love doing SOMETHING to get myself going. But why does that something always need to be intense? Why not just light yoga? Today was my first official day of ZERO higher intensity. Even since deciding to cut back a bit, I still did at least 10 minutes of sprints to get my heart rate up (because you need that much effort…) Today, I got to do something I’ve always wanted to do, but never could due to my ‘needing’ to get my 20 minute HIIT in, daily.

I did a 30 minute barre3 work out.

I have done ten minute ones here and there, but 30 minutes was perfect. It was relaxing, energizing. Perfect. I didn’t really sweat! I glistened. But nothing to much. It started off with sun salutes (my personal favorite form of ‘cardio’ activity) and then lots of toning. Unfortunately, there was little stretching afterward, for me, so I might need to do something once I am done here, to open up my hips and stretch my side. Nothing intensive =)

 

 

Changes: 

1. Fitness:

Light jogs, moderate aerobics, vinyasa yoga, weight training and light yoga.
Three days = 15 minutes of moderate work intervals (example jog and walk, low-impact aerobics [you may see me ‘sweatin to the oldies’ :D]… vinyasas <– I could get creative here) + 5 minute warm up. Follow with stretch.
Two-Three days: 5 minute ish warm up (sun salutes, for example or light jog….) and 25 minute toning. :)
One day: Light yoga / off. :)

** any additional exercise needs to be rather a) light yoga or b) light walking.

This is tentative. Once my body makes its gains, I could add some more intensity, if I want. I don’t need to. But, now, focus is on fixing me.

2. Food:

No more zero per cent anything, girl.
Throw away the measurements and scales. :)
Drink some calories, every now and again.
Enjoy lots of healthy fats, liberally.
Eat bread!
Forget about marcos and calories. Just eat.
Enjoy a cake or cookie from time to time. Why? Because I can!

 

3. Mind:

Don’t skip savasana.
If you need to be alone for a bit, be alone. Don’t worry if it bothers others. If you get rude, they’ll be bothered more.
Enjoy life.
Tell Baba you love him daily.
Tell Mom and Dad you love them, daily.
Kiss Zooey every morning.

This is the plan.
And I am stickin’ to it.

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